5 Animals With Awesome Superpowers

By Sonny Long

You've seen all of the new movies that came out. Surely at least one or all of them featured either a superhero, talking raccoon, talking tree, or all of those. After seeing countless movies about athropomorphic animals that can sing, dance, and kick the crap out of anything in their paths, it can be easy to take for granted the fact that our animals can't actually do any of that, and our cats are lazy pieces of shit.

Seriously Mr, Whiskers, do something with your life.

So we're gonna tell you all about the animals with insane powers you've never heard about that shame even the coolest of superheroes (sorry, Daredevil, blindness isn't a power). So let's get started with...

5. Water Bears Are Immortal

Despite sounding like it, water bears are not a concoction from a top secret lab of the world's shittiest supervillain. Water bears are actually about a millimeter long and nearly impossible to destroy. Although they don't live up to the physical representation of water and bear, they are the hardest creatures on Earth to kill.

As if this wasn’t bad enough.

Water bears are known to be able to survive in extreme conditions, from scorching heat to much below the acceptable freezing temperatures (think -328 degrees F). Beyond this, they are known to be able to survive in outer space as well as go without food for over a century.

4. Planarians Are Pretty Much Immortal Too And Can Duplicate

If there was one superpower you could pick, a lot of people would say immortality. If one immortal animal wasn't enough, we'd like to introduce you to the cute and cuddly worm, planarian. Upon seeing it and being surprised by how adorable it is, you may instinctively cut it into a few different pieces. Well, if you were to do that, the joke's on you: cutting a planarian into different pieces actually will cause the different pieces to regenerate the missing parts. Kind of like another superhero we know.

At least it’s not as big of a smartass.

Every piece cut off of a planarian grows into a different planarian, much like the hydra in Hercules. So not only is the planarian immortal, it's able to clone itself into more immortal planarians. We only hope they have a long gestation period, or else the Earth may be covered in them in no time.

3. Plumed Basilisks Can Run On Water

Walking on water isn't generally the first superpower we hear people say they would want. Nonetheless, it's shown up in popular culture, with The Flash being able to run on water, as well as in ancient text (Jesus walked on water). What your Catholic school teachers never taught you was that Jesus wasn't the only one walking on water back them. Meet the Plumed Basilisk, a lizard capable of running on water on its hind legs.

Psshh. That’s soooo 2,000 years ago.

Aside from that, you may want to know more about this little guy. He's capable of running on land at an amazing 7 miles per hour, as well as being able to remain submerged underwater for up to 30 minutes. We don't really know our lizards, but we're gonna go out on a limb and say that's not par for the course for lizard abilities.

2. Rhodesian Ridgebacks Hunted Lions

What's a Rhodesian Ridgeback? you're probably thinking. It's a breed of dog, but don't worry, we'll have the video down below. For now, let's just talk about how difficult it was for the poor European travelers coming into the wilds of Africa, what with the rough landscape and new people they just couldn't get used.

Should have stayed in England.

The dogs the Europeans brought along were used to hunting small game like foxes and rabbits, not the likes of lions and, well, anything that hunted back, really. Therefore, they used their pups and cross-bred them with the various wild-dogs of the local Hottentos. That's how we got the Rhodesian Ridgeback a.k.a. African lion hound.

There is no video.

1. Dragons Breathed Fire and Ate Hobbits

Dragons, living thousands of years ago, roamed the landscape and owned the world. They forced humans into hiding and ate whatever they pleased. They were large, scaly beasts that could breathe fire and could destroy an entire village in a single swooping motion.

Contrary to popular belief, not all of them were named Smaug. Meet Greg.

Dragons actually did face off against hobbits on the likes of the islands New Zealand and Australia. Constant clashes led to the foundation of the Fellowship of the Ring, and eventually the Return of the King. Other stuff happened, such as various battles with Andy Serkis, Saurumon, and orcs. Dragons went extinct, but not before this epic battle caught on film a milennia ago featured below. Enjoy.

Follow Sonny on Twitter @fourcornerstuds or check out his book about the struggles in the apocalypse here.

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5 Sci-Fi Weapons We're Scarily Close To

By Sonny Long

Alright, aspiring science fiction writers, as well as aspiring mad scientists (or real mad scientists), you seem like you're ready to hear all about what's new in the science world of military technology. Well, you probably already know about all of this stuff. Probably more than we do. So this here is more for the average folks and some peasants.

We're gonna be talking all about science advances the eight year-old you wanted, and the 20-something-year-old you still wants (probably more than young you). Oh, but you should probably be pretty scared for some of these coming to life because they'll be far out of your control.

So let's get started on what science has been cooking up to save us all... Or destroy us all...

5. Exoskeletons

When playing through your Call of Honor games, or games that otherwise feature an invincible warrior that can soak up ten, maybe a thousand rounds before succumbing to the need of a healing, and then go another thousand rounds, you probably wondered about how this could be possible. No? You just went ahead and kept playing because that's more fun than thinking too hard about it? Fair enough.

Well, it may come as some surprise that what you see in the games is not even close to possible. You can't really respawn back to life and give it another go at Hitler after you've fallen in battle. Also, you can't really soak up that much lead and keep going at MechaHitler. In reality, sometimes even one bullet can end a person's life. Yes, even yours. Sorry to ruin that for you.

But, you know what's pretty neat? The military has been working on suits that will allow troops to carry 400 pounds but feel a weight that's closer to 20 pounds. They're exoskeletons that will add to a soldier's natural strength. The military is hoping the suits will take off a lot of strain from lifting heavy amounts of... military stuff. Ammo?

They're also claiming that the suits will allow soldiers to run across a battlefield at lightning speed. If that's the case, they may never have to worry about having to go another thousand rounds if they can just dodge the bullet. Hopefully, since the suit is an exoskeleton, it will give the soldier's the power of the average insect, allowing a giant to squish them enough to hear a crunching noise, but not kill them.

Aside from being worried that Iron Man is becoming a reality, you should be wondering when you can get your hands on one. After all, if we all become Iron Men, are we still considered Iron Men, or are we still just men because that's the new standard?

4. Lasers

Something else the eight year-old you may have (definitely) wanted even more than to be a superhero might have been to have some laser beams ripping into the side of... well, probably everything. After all, what does an eight year-old not think of destroying? Whether the lasers you dreamt of came out of a sword or from various firearms from the Star Wars Universe (you've probably never heard of those movies, they're not very popular), you knew you wanted to blow stuff up and lasers may have been the coolest way to do it. Why? We don't have time for ridiculous questions.

Look, we're not getting this excited about laser hair removers or laser pointers. We're talking about the real deal here. We're talking about lasers that can take down a full-sized Star Destroyer. Alright, maybe we're just talking about lasers that can rip into the side of an aircraft carrier and do some major damage.

The lasers we (the government) have been testing have proven to be able to take down 150 drones and other incoming targets, such as rockets, missiles, and stormtroopers in test rounds. Alright, that last one may or may not be true. It's not.

Moving on, the government is also claiming these lasers will save a ton of money for us taxpayers, costing around a few million to fire just a single missile, where the lasers cost more in the ballpark of a dollar for each round spent. Why they feel they need to make claims to convince us why they need to use lasers is beyond us. We're probably more for it than they are at this point.

3. Guns That Shoot Around Corners

You're running through the streets, somebody chasing behind you, closing in. What's this? They have a gun! You notice this briefly but you keep running. Why are they chasing you? Why are you stopping to think about it?! Run! You successfully made it around the building, the person chasing you now nowhere to be seen. What's happening? Why is the barrel of the gun coming around the corner but not the man, woman, or possible space alien chasing you? Run!

Well, the bad news is you're dead. The good news is that at least it was a pretty cool new weapon in development that did you in. You also have nothing to feel bad about because there was no way you could have escaped it and the above example was just a simulation. It wasn't real so you can relax now.

The Corner Shot is a gun that, well, you probably can guess by now, shoots around corners. It has a camera on the side that allows you to see what the barrel of the gun is seeing, and also so you know what you're shooting at. Models start at a small price of $5,000 and come in both assault rifle versions, as well as "personal" grenade launcher versions, for all of your needs of destroying your jerk neighbor Chad's house. Because Chad is a jerk.

2. Stealth Cloaks

One thing that Harry Potter taught us is that the best superpower is time travel. And the second best is invisibility. Seriously, Harry is able to sneak all around Hogwarts doing whatever the heck it is he does (wizard stuff?). It enables him to sneak around undetected and figure out what all of those evil, kind-of one-eyed teachers are up to. And Snape. Snape is a douche, right?

Imagine if the military started investigating into that kind of magic and witchcraft. It would be crazy to think that our soldiers could soon be running around without so much as setting off a guard's detection meter above their head. It would be unbelievable.

Well, believe it, because your Uncle Sam is looking into making our soldiers invisible as we speak. They'll be able to sneak into enemy bases undetected and have the edge they need to get in and out before anyone knows they were there. Hopefully for the soldiers, they are also working on a way to make them visible again after the mission.

The invisibility clothes (we're holding back the urge to call it a cloak) work by bending the light around the soldier. It would greatly reduce visual and thermal signatures of the soldiers, making them much harder for the bad Russians to detect them. You can thank Harry Potter for making our soldiers safer.

1. Terminators

The scariest way to go, arguably of course, would be being squashed by a murder-bot while the rest of your species was also being wiped out by said murder-bots. What, do you have different, more realistic fears? Terminator showed us a future in which robots were on the verge of victory over mankind. Robots, the creations of humans in this universe, gained autonomy and decided humans would lead to the destruction of the Earth. Which, you may have noticed, was the exact same plot as Age of Ultron. So, to rectify this, the robots destroyed the Earth. Showed us humans, I guess. However, back in the real world, you obviously have nothing to fear, seeing as...

Oh, wait. They're working on Terminators as we speak? At least they're calling them a name that sounds more cuddly than murdery, even if not by much. UGVs (unmanned ground vehicles) will see service soon in many militaries around the world. Their service will help put our soldiers out of harm's way, seeing as they'll be taking the bullets for them. We can only hope they never gain autonomy enough that they realize we created them for the sole purpose of being bullet sponges.

There's still a lot of tweaking that needs doing before these Termina- er, murderbots see action, however, seeing as there's a lot of concern that the machines won't be able to tell who is hostile and who's coming at them with a puppy. There's obviously a lot of problems that this could cause, with one faction not being able to determine if another meant to shoot at their prized hog or if the UGV had a literal mind of its own. And God forbid these machines determine that we're all a problem, and there's only one way to rectify that problem...

Save us, Sarah Conner.

Thanks for reading and follow Sonny on Twitter @fourcornerstuds. If you like his writing style, check out his book here. Remember to subscribe by e-mail at the top of the page for more!

5 Reasons To Skip Leg Day (And Every Other Day)

By Sonny Long

We've all been there: standing at the treadmill, bench press, or stairs, deciding whether or not we should use them to hopefully shed a few pounds. And, if we did enough reps, we would get a ripped body complete with six pack abs. The alternative is standing idly by, waiting for the various work out machines to stop staring us in the eyes. After that, we can go back to our lives of eating chips, playing video games, and huffing gasoline in our dad's garage until he notices.

Fortunately for you, I have a solution. That solution is to not work out. The reason being…

5. Your Partner Doesn’t Care

This can be a loaded statement, but the bottom line is that when you work out, not much changes in the short term. To get the rockin' bods you see on the television and the Google image searches, you would have to devote a decent portion of your day to working out and changing your eating habits. That would mean no. More. Twinkies. (Do those still exist?)

What kind of horrible, soul-eating boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, etc. would want their loved one to go through this? Now, if you don't have one of the above, then I have separate instructions for you. For you personally, I would recommend rocking a six-pack for a short amount of time until you find someone and trick them into thinking you'll always be like that. (Don't worry, they're doing the same thing to you.)

After you've each successfully tricked the other one, it's time to pig out! Get your life back on track and break out the junk food. Why? Because your partner is too busy worrying about their own body. When you see your mate, you know they’re perfect just the way they are. They think the same of you.

So go ahead, get something more to eat. Go get that extra slab of steak or slice of cake. Enjoy, because...

4. Who Doesn’t Want A Little More to Love?

The first thing I do when I see my girlfriend in the morning is smack her butt. Then I pinch her side. To me, this is a small show of affection. To her, she sees this as me calling her fat in a subtle way. Of course I would never do anything like that; I don't want to sleep in the neighbor's birdhouse again, after all. I don't mean to make her feel vertically challenged (she's not in the least), I just really love grabbing her side. The fact that she has something there to pinch makes me happy. If I reached down to grab something and nothing was there, I would be downright disappointed.

Now let's discuss body image. What would you rather have: a relatively toned partner that was constantly worried about his or her body or a relatively chubby-ish partner that felt comfortable in his or her skin? There is no right or wrong answer to this question. The answer is whatever you would feel most comfortable with. It may vary from person to person, gender to gender, perhaps. Maybe worrying about your body is a good thing because it may help a person stay in shape.

But when does worrying about your body image start interfering with your life too much? Maybe the idea of having a partner that cares too much will turn your partner away from you. Sometimes your partner may want to do fun activities that will actively help you in gaining weight, not losing it. Working out might interfere with your day-to-day activities.

Another reason not to work out might be...

3. Working Out Is Dangerous

What do you remember most about being a child? The carefree nature of it comes to mind. Being able to run around, not caring about what you knocked over or who you bumped into. Nothing could trump that feeling of childhood immortality. That feeling of being invincible lasted until you fell off of your bike, or fell out of a treehouse. Then all of a sudden, in the blink of an eye, you went from a small Clark Kent to a defeated, broken-arm weakling. Your true nature had shown through and revealed your weak, fleshy body. Your humanity was your true weakness. And it still is.

Working out is dangerous business. Your body was more resistant as a child. Now that you're an adult and haven't worked out in probably years, any activity besides getting off of the couch is futile, dangerous, and potentially life-threatening. Your heart has slowed down, not being used to strenuous activities. Your muscles have weakened, becoming sacks of fatty tissue. Any attempt at a squat, push up, or any kind of dip besides the kind you use with chips would be too dangerous to attempt. You would most likely hear a swift cracking noise, unsure of whether it is bone, muscle, or maybe something worse.

But all of that's okay, because you should...

2. Spend Time Doing What You Love

How much time is in the day? Too often you hear "it's not enough." Not enough for what? Depends on who you ask, but most would agree they wish there was more of it for them to do what they want. But there's definitely one thing almost everyone can agree on: Working out is not on their "want to do" list. It often falls onto the "have to do" list. For some, sure, working out is enjoyable, a hobby even. For everyone else, it's something they force themselves to do.

But when exercising is not enjoyable, it no longer is a hobby. The person surely has many more things they could be doing with their time instead. Some of those pursuits may be able to make the person money, others bring happiness to the person. Regardless, they bring something of value to the person. Working out does not. When this is the case, exercising is not worth it, and it becomes clear that exercising simply is not for everyone.

But the most important reason to skip leg day (and every other day) would be...

1. But Seriously, Work Out

I would feel terrible if I hadn’t ended this on a positive note. Sure, the past few entries may have seemed positive, but me telling you not to do something that would surely improve and lengthen your life would surely not have been ending positively.

Let’s cut straight to the chase: Working out has been proven to be a tool for stress relief, can lengthen your lifespan, and will all around make you feel better about yourself. You owe it to your family, significant other, and most importantly, yourself, to do anything that will make you be the person they think of you as. And, unfortunately, that means exercising the shit out of your body. Now I don’t mean to go out and dedicate your life to the Holy Church of Gym, but instead go out and find a workout routine that fits your schedule and ability. Check out the hundreds of other websites and videos out there that will help you on your path to being a better person. But, before you do that, check out the other pages on our site. You’re awesome, and thanks for reading.

Thanks for reading and follow Sonny on Twitter @fourcornerstuds. If you like his writing style, check out his book here. Remember to subscribe by e-mail at the top of the page for more!

Smartphones Losing Life?

By Sonny Long

Smartphones getting “sexier,” more “svelte” is apparently what we want. We have a compulsive need to see our phones wither away on their sides as the fronts get longer, sleeker, and “sexier,” much like a different industry. While I do not have a smartphone (I know, how do I manage?), I have seen the change is present in the newest smartphones; they truly are getting to the point where, when turned on their sides, you can barely see them. Many are excited that their phones are no longer “bricks” because of this. I, too, am excited that this change is bringing about thinner peo- I mean phones.

But there is, as always, a catch: smaller phones mean smaller batteries. And, of course, you can guess what that means: shorter time in between charges for the phones. We obviously have made great strides toward longer life in batteries as time goes on. We can even make do with smaller batteries, while still increasing the life of them. However, the point still remains, bigger batteries means longer lives. There will always be a trade-off in that category, even when our phones can go a year in between charges. We can either pick going two years and having a “brick” for a phone, or going six months and have a sleek, svelte phone.

Given the options, I would like to think I would be humble enough to pick the longer battery life in exchange for the vanity of a nicer-looking phone. However, not having a smartphone does not give me the insight to determine whether or not I would truly pick that. It has been determined that it would be suicide for a cell phone company to make a slightly larger phone in exchange for a little bit longer life because we would only hear that first part and tune out to the second because of our vanity, even in our phones.

But the question still remains: is it healthy, as a society, for our phones to wither away like this? Surely the insides of them are close to barren, meaning we are losing quality for a slightly better look on the outside, which, of course, is not everyone’s opinion. Some like the look of a slightly bigger, more bodacious phone. Some may even say that they have more to offer, that what’s on the inside is what counts after all.

So, given your options, which would you pick? Some more junk in the trunk or, perhaps you would be vain enough to choose the thinner, less healthy option? It is, after all, just a matter of opinion and perception.

Leave your thoughts below and check out other articles and short stories by Sonny Long here. And, as always, thanks for reading and stick around for more.

5 Reasons to Avoid Airplanes At All Costs

For my dear friend,

Tommy Jay

By Sonny Long

I don't remember any age of mine before six. That was before I turned seven, of course. Once I realized my dog had passed, I could finally own up to my mistake: blowing up the gnome my mother cherished. None of that could even come close to the time I boarded my first airplane.

There I was, cute as a button and fast as a bolt of lightning. Nothing got past me, except that knock knock joke my father used to tell me. That got past me. Still does. Anyway, I was six at the time, maybe seven. My mother was still pissed at me about the dog. Or was it the gnome? Don't remember. Either way, there was the plane. It was cool as hell and probably faster than myself. Probably.

I got on, pushed past my brothers and sisters that I probably had at the time, and found my seat. My father grabbed my luggage and stowed it above my head in the stowing department of the plane. Probably.

I think we all know what happened next: ebola terrorists. Being my six year-old self, I leapt into action and grabbed my six shooter revolver BB gun from my holster. The terrorists were rounding up the women and children throughout the plane. They hadn't noticed me yet. I grabbed my cowboy hat and lowered it over my eyes as a tumbleweed rolled down the center aisle. This was it. It was the moment I was waiting for. I had to prove myself as the man-child I always knew I was.

"It's him!" The terrorists were ecstatic. They thought this was their chance to take me in, to kill me. I unveiled my revolver and fired all six rounds at the terrorists before taking cover. They fired back with their automatic rifles, bazookas, grenades, and I think there were a few nuclear missiles being thrown around. Can't remember for sure, though. I survived all of that. The next wave was harder to endure. It was a red mist moving toward me menacingly. Ebola. That's what it was.

I did a few flips, jumped over a few seats, and twirled my hair at the mist. It wasn't enough. It kept coming at me. I only had one option at this point: open the emergency exit. I did that. I grabbed onto a seat and watched the red mist fly out of the plane as the air pressure forced it out.

The terrorists were closing in on me. The ebola was just a distraction. I had no options at this point. The terrorists aimed their bazooka-rifles at me with angst. I was filled with angst. It was angst against angst at this point. I put both both my hands together and began saying the ancient chants of Seal Team Six. My hands filled with a ball of energy that I used to throw at the terrorists. They flew back into the cockpit, where the pilot, co-pilot, and some nice ladies resided.

Suddenly, the plane began spiraling out of control as I had knocked the pilots unconscious with my terrorist throwing. I had no choice but to rush to the cockpit and save the day. I didn't. The plane crashed in a field and I died.

That's why I can't ride planes anymore.

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