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We've all been there: standing at the treadmill, bench press, or stairs, deciding whether or not we should use them to hopefully shed a few pounds. And, if we did enough reps, we would get a ripped body complete with six pack abs. The alternative is standing idly by, waiting for the various work out machines to stop staring us in the eyes. After that, we can go back to our lives of eating chips, playing video games, and huffing gasoline in our dad's garage until he notices.
Fortunately for you, I have a solution. That solution is to not work out. The reason being…
5. Your Partner Doesn’t Care
This can be a loaded statement, but the bottom line is that when you work out, not much changes in the short term. To get the rockin' bods you see on the television and the Google image searches, you would have to devote a decent portion of your day to working out and changing your eating habits. That would mean no. More. Twinkies. (Do those still exist?)
What kind of horrible, soul-eating boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, etc. would want their loved one to go through this? Now, if you don't have one of the above, then I have separate instructions for you. For you personally, I would recommend rocking a six-pack for a short amount of time until you find someone and trick them into thinking you'll always be like that. (Don't worry, they're doing the same thing to you.)
After you've each successfully tricked the other one, it's time to pig out! Get your life back on track and break out the junk food. Why? Because your partner is too busy worrying about their own body. When you see your mate, you know they’re perfect just the way they are. They think the same of you.
So go ahead, get something more to eat. Go get that extra slab of steak or slice of cake. Enjoy, because...
4. Who Doesn’t Want A Little More to Love?
The first thing I do when I see my girlfriend in the morning is smack her butt. Then I pinch her side. To me, this is a small show of affection. To her, she sees this as me calling her fat in a subtle way. Of course I would never do anything like that; I don't want to sleep in the neighbor's birdhouse again, after all. I don't mean to make her feel vertically challenged (she's not in the least), I just really love grabbing her side. The fact that she has something there to pinch makes me happy. If I reached down to grab something and nothing was there, I would be downright disappointed.
Now let's discuss body image. What would you rather have: a relatively toned partner that was constantly worried about his or her body or a relatively chubby-ish partner that felt comfortable in his or her skin? There is no right or wrong answer to this question. The answer is whatever you would feel most comfortable with. It may vary from person to person, gender to gender, perhaps. Maybe worrying about your body is a good thing because it may help a person stay in shape.
But when does worrying about your body image start interfering with your life too much? Maybe the idea of having a partner that cares too much will turn your partner away from you. Sometimes your partner may want to do fun activities that will actively help you in gaining weight, not losing it. Working out might interfere with your day-to-day activities.
Another reason not to work out might be...
3. Working Out Is Dangerous
What do you remember most about being a child? The carefree nature of it comes to mind. Being able to run around, not caring about what you knocked over or who you bumped into. Nothing could trump that feeling of childhood immortality. That feeling of being invincible lasted until you fell off of your bike, or fell out of a treehouse. Then all of a sudden, in the blink of an eye, you went from a small Clark Kent to a defeated, broken-arm weakling. Your true nature had shown through and revealed your weak, fleshy body. Your humanity was your true weakness. And it still is.
Working out is dangerous business. Your body was more resistant as a child. Now that you're an adult and haven't worked out in probably years, any activity besides getting off of the couch is futile, dangerous, and potentially life-threatening. Your heart has slowed down, not being used to strenuous activities. Your muscles have weakened, becoming sacks of fatty tissue. Any attempt at a squat, push up, or any kind of dip besides the kind you use with chips would be too dangerous to attempt. You would most likely hear a swift cracking noise, unsure of whether it is bone, muscle, or maybe something worse.
But all of that's okay, because you should...
2. Spend Time Doing What You Love
How much time is in the day? Too often you hear "it's not enough." Not enough for what? Depends on who you ask, but most would agree they wish there was more of it for them to do what they want. But there's definitely one thing almost everyone can agree on: Working out is not on their "want to do" list. It often falls onto the "have to do" list. For some, sure, working out is enjoyable, a hobby even. For everyone else, it's something they force themselves to do.
But when exercising is not enjoyable, it no longer is a hobby. The person surely has many more things they could be doing with their time instead. Some of those pursuits may be able to make the person money, others bring happiness to the person. Regardless, they bring something of value to the person. Working out does not. When this is the case, exercising is not worth it, and it becomes clear that exercising simply is not for everyone.
But the most important reason to skip leg day (and every other day) would be...
1. But Seriously, Work Out
I would feel terrible if I hadn’t ended this on a positive note. Sure, the past few entries may have seemed positive, but me telling you not to do something that would surely improve and lengthen your life would surely not have been ending positively.
Let’s cut straight to the chase: Working out has been proven to be a tool for stress relief, can lengthen your lifespan, and will all around make you feel better about yourself. You owe it to your family, significant other, and most importantly, yourself, to do anything that will make you be the person they think of you as. And, unfortunately, that means exercising the shit out of your body. Now I don’t mean to go out and dedicate your life to the Holy Church of Gym, but instead go out and find a workout routine that fits your schedule and ability. Check out the hundreds of other websites and videos out there that will help you on your path to being a better person. But, before you do that, check out the other pages on our site. You’re awesome, and thanks for reading.
Thanks for reading and follow Sonny on Twitter @fourcornerstuds. If you like his writing style, check out his book here. Remember to subscribe by e-mail at the top of the page for more!
